Not everything has changed, but some big and important things have. I am still writing these posts at 4 am, for instance. However, I am doing it from a new house, and we no longer all live as one family.
As I am certain you know, this was my decision. It wasn't something your mother wanted. It was something I needed. I am also certain that both myself and your mum have done everything we could to make you understand this is between her and I, and it is not about you at all. There is nothing you did, or could do, that had an part in my decision. Let's check in that you really understood that, and still do when reading this.
When something like this happens, it is not easy for anyone. I am sure that you have been sad, confused, frustrated and worried. I am hoping very much that your mother and I are helping you to feel safe and taking the edge of the whole thing. Your mother, to her credit, while feeling sad herself, has done a lot to protect you and your brother from the hurt.
And you? You continue to grow and become a more well defined person. You are now two years from completing primary school, and we have begun to look at secondary schools. Let's hope we choose the right one for you. For me, I want to find a school that will celebrate your intelligence, personality, creativity and energy, without putting too much pressure on you for not enjoying the academic side of school life. Having said that, it is essential that you learn some skills now that will help you handle that Ferrari of a brain of yours. I still don't have a great set of tools to deal with the way my attention and focus acts more like a shotgun than a laser beam. If you can learn at this early age to accept how your brain is going to act and work with it as a super power, not fight it like I do all the time, then maybe when you are an adult, you won't be up at 4 am writing blog posts! So we need to find a balance for you. I'll give it a go.
You are not enjoying your football right now. You spent last season in goal, as your team needed a keeper. For most of it you enjoyed it. Starting the new season, you had no training over the holidays. Now you are playing against bigger and stronger kids, and they are hitting the ball at you harder, faster and with more accuracy. So it is not as fun as before and that is sad for me. So we are looking to get your mojo back. There is a coach you like, called Jason, and we are going to go along to a session or two with him, to lift your game. Also, some of the other players will take some time in goal. This will take the pressure off you and also allow you to get some time on the pitch again.
Right now I feel like we are getting on well. Your mother sent me some podcasts from a lady who has some great ideas of how to talk to kids when they are feeling emotional. I have been trying it out and, sometimes, it seems to help. That may be you getting older, but it works with Ollie too. I still have a lot to learn though! I get frustrated far too quickly. But let's learn this stuff together. I am a bit late to the game, so the 9 year old and the 48 year old are at about the same spot with learning EQ! I look forward to that day when I realised you have left me behind, and become that reflective, empathetic, perceptive boy I know you are going to be.
Love you. Proud of you. My boy.
