One and a half years since the last post. Quite a bit has happened.
We are now in the first half term of your last year in primary school. You are doing great at school. You have represented the school in many sports, now adding Hockey to the list. The team came joint first, as you drew the final.
We know which secondary school you will be going to now. Eastwood Academy. It was the one you wanted to go to. I think because they are good at sports and you have some friends that were going to go. Your best friend, Fergus Wilson, is not going. So we shall see if you are still in contact at the time of reading this.
Academically you are very bright, love learning and enjoy using your quick wit to win arguments. A carbon copy of your Dad (and probably Mum too, although I didn't know her when she was at school). Dyslexia and a world pandemic mean your Maths and Writing are not where they could be for your age, but I reckon you'll sort that out as and when you need to. You are bright, friendly, very imaginative and have an engineering brain. You'll do great.
I have watched you mature over this last year and a bit. You have begun to be able to put the breaks on that Ferrari brain of yours. I described to you that your brain is like a Formula One car, but with the breaks of a bicycle (it's from a book called ADHD 2.0). You pointed out to me recently that you think the breaks are now like a normal cars breaks, trying to stop a racing car. I agree, you are showing time and again that you now have the ability to realise when you are going too fast and you can slow it down sometimes. You start to get going and then you say, "Never mind, that can't happen right now". Breaks on. I am so proud of you.
I have not been working for 6 months. I got made redundant at Depop (meaning they got rid of my job, so I had to leave). I now work at Kraken, a technology company focused on getting people to use green energy. Hopefully I still work there when you read this. It has given me the time to be with you an Oliver a bit more. I think it has been good for us. Don't get me wrong, we have had our moments! Sometimes when I am feeling bad (not because of you, because my mind plays tricks on me a lot) I find it hard to be around other people. Ironically, it can be being with you and your brother that helps me get over this.
We sometime get to hang out, just you an me. We have got in to the habit of going for food at a place called Molo Lounge. I think mostly because you like getting a cup of jellybean that they sell there. You and your brother are a little addicted to sweets and processed food. It's a problem for all parents. This food tastes good and gives you a dopamine hit, so you seek it out. We try to get you to choose healthy options, but kids don't like healthy foods, and ALL your mates eat junk too, so it's a losing battle for us. Poor parents.
You in particular are a bit of a thrill seeker. You get very irate and frustrated if you don't get your next little hit. You get sucked in to Youtube shorts, and find it so hard to turn it off. Not your fault, the company that make it designed it to do just that. They have had huge success and it should be something to be proud of, to be so good at what they do. But I hope they are ashamed instead. They are making people ill. Addicted to there devices and constantly seeking the next engagement. I fear for the world you are about to enter.
We are probably going to give you your first mobile phone soon, as you prepare to go to secondary school. We are going to have to be very diligent to guide you through the pitfalls of the digital world. At least I work in the industry, so have a little insight into how these companies work.
You are growing, my boy. You have started taking on responsibilities in the house, guided by your mum, and it is great to see. You are getting better at understanding and controlling your emotions. You are able to talk about many things, you love formula one for example. We can play points on a full tennis court now and it won't be long before you can beat my best effort.
You are growing, but you are still a child. Full of imagination, excitement and confidence. I want to encourage your growth but I don't want to discourage your childhood. Let's find a balance.
I am growing too. I am learning to be more patience, more tolerant and more empathetic with you. I feel that I have let you down in one aspect. I tell you constantly that I want you to change your behaviour, make different decisions, but I don't think I have driven home the message that there is nothing wrong with you, with how you react or behave. It is all perfectly natural and just who you are right now. When I ask you to do it differently you should know that is because it makes things easier to behave the way I am suggesting. Whether I mean easier for you, or easier for me is open for discussion. The fact remains, though, that if I have made you feel uncomfortable about who you are, it was a grave mistake, and I hope that I have fixed that by the time you read this.
You are awesome. Creative, supportive, intelligent, handsome, skillful and powered by a Formula One car brain. When those breaks are fully developed, you will be a champion!
I love you Millie. Now and always.
